From: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 4, 0 BBY
To: [email protected]
Subject: Reports of a Security Breach on Scarif

Greeting to the Empire! Our strength grows with each passing day, and our new DS-1 Orbital Battle Station is almost complete and will soon be ready to rain total destruction upon any planet that dare defy us. We’re not totally set on a name yet, but are thinking Death Star

But sadly, today I am writing you to address another topic entirely. You’ve probably heard reports of a security incident at our datacenter on Scarif, that certain bad actors may have made off with sensitive empire data. Well let me be the first to assure you these reports are completely, 100 percent, false. Totally overblown. I would even go so far as to call them — and this is a new term so bear with me—fake news.

The truth is, practically nothing happened at all.

Yes, our team discovered suspicious activity near our datacenter. And yes, there may have been a skirmish with so-called “Rebel Forces.” And yes, we may have ended up blowing up the entire planet of Scarif (including said datacenter). But trust me—and this is Darth talking to you here—it’s not the fiasco it’s been made out to be!

First things first: The datacenter on Scarif was scheduled for deprecation a long time ago. It was a routine demolition! We didn’t want that old thing! The fact that the attempted breach happened at the same time as the scheduled demolition is pure coincidence.

Second of all, Imperial Engineers assure us there is zero evidence that any Imperial data was taken from, or accessed on the Imperial servers on Scarif. We have the strongest servers. Really, these things are harder to breach than carbonite.

Lastly, there are no rebels in the empire, let alone rebel forces that would necessitate an entire rebellion—which there definitely isn’t. People love the Empire. Oh, and regarding reports some of these intruders were moving things with their minds, let me just say this: