Habits of Considerate People
體貼人的八種習慣
哲學家亞瑟·叔本華曾經說過：“蠟之可貴，在於燃燒自己溫暖他人，人之可貴
，在於屈尊敬賢彬彬有禮”，事實的確如此。善意與體貼能夠撫慰人心，讓別
人更容易接受你的想法。
Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, “Politeness is to human
nature what warmth is to wax.” It’s true. Being kind and considerate
softens people and makes them malleable to your way of thinking.

不僅如此，我覺得這句話還別有深意。他也在告訴我們：體貼待人是人性不可或缺的重要
品質。查爾斯·達爾文一定會贊同這個觀點，因為他曾說過，比起自私，人類有著更加強烈
的本能，想去善待他人。
But I see another meaning there, too. I think he’s also saying that being
considerate of others is an integral part of what it means to be human. Charles
Darwin would have agreed. He argued that our instinct to be considerate is even

這看起來似乎是明擺著的，但直到最近，神經科學才解釋出了個中緣由。加州大學伯克利
分校教授達沙·卡爾特納的研究表明，我們看到別人經歷痛苦時的腦部反應，與我們自己經
歷痛苦時別無二致。看到別人經歷痛苦，同樣會刺激我們大腦深處負責照料行為的結構—
—中腦導水管周圍灰質。
As obvious as that may seem, it’s only recently that neuroscience has been able
to explain why. Research conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that

體貼待人不僅有利於我們的職場生涯，而且對健康也大有裨益。當你對他人表示體貼，大
腦的獎賞中樞就會被觸發，釋放出更多令人愉悅的化學物質，如多巴胺、催產素和內啡肽
。這些物質讓你感覺很好，類似於跑步運動員奮勇爭先後產生的愉悅感，而且所有這些催
產素都有利於你的心臟健康。
Being considerate of others is certainly a good career move, but it’s also good
for your health. When you show consideration for others, the brain’s reward
center is triggered, which elevates the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin,
and endogenous opioids. This gives you a great feeling, which is similar to
what’s known as “runner’s high,” and all that oxytocin is good for your heart.

體貼待人讓你走得更遠，勝於一切大學或專業文憑——瑪麗安·瑞特·埃德蒙
這句話聽著很有道理，但可行性多高呢？我們怎樣才能在身心忙碌的同時，利用有限的精
力表現的更加體貼呢？這其實不難，只要你能模仿這方面的佼佼者，養成以下幾個體貼人
的好習慣。
That’s all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become more
considerate when you have so many other things competing for your finite mental
energy? It’s not that hard—all you have to do is emulate the habits of highly
considerate people.

1、準時到場
的確，我們會被意外發生的事而延誤，但是經常遲到是一種非常粗魯的表現，因為它表明
的意思很明確：你的時間比任何人的時間都寶貴。即便你真的這樣想，也犯不著將其公之
於眾。相反，你應該考慮別人的感受，在你承諾的時間點準時到場。
Show up on time.
Sure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear
message that you think your time is more important than everyone else’s, and
that’s just rude. Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you
don’t have to broadcast that belief to the world. Instead, be considerate and
show up when you said you would.

2、主動表達同情
產生同情心是一回事，將這種情感轉化為行動卻又完全是另外一回事。能夠換位思考是一
件好事，事實上，也相當重要，但是這並不代表你很體貼。要做到這一點，你必須做到真
正設身處地的為他人著想，並且付諸行動，給予安慰或者為處於困境的人們提供實際幫助
。這需要足夠的情商才能做到。
Be deliberately empathic.
It’s one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling into
action is another matter entirely. It’s great to be able to put yourself in someone
else’s shoes—in fact, it’s essential—but that doesn’t necessarily translate into
being considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to let your ability to
walk in their shoes change what you do, whether that’s changing your behavior
to accommodate their feelings or providing tangible help in a tough situation.
This requires emotional intelligence.

3、該道歉時就道歉
我們都知道，人們普遍缺乏安全感，害怕冒犯他人，有時候甚至會為自己的呼吸而道歉。
在這種情況下，道歉是沒有意義的。但是，在真正需要的時候，真誠的道歉將會意義非凡
。當你犯錯時，甚至自認為犯了錯時，道歉就是一種表達體貼的重要方式。
Apologize when you need to (and don’t when you don’t).
We all know people who are so insecure or so afraid of offending someone that
they practically apologize for breathing. In such situations, apologizing loses its
meaning. But it’s a different matter entirely when a sincere apology is really
necessary. When you’ve made a mistake, or even think you’ve made a mistake,
apologizing is a crucial part of being considerate.

4、笑口常開
生理學告訴我們，皺眉比微笑更容易，因為微笑的動作需要四十二個不同肌肉的配合。但
是這種努力是值得的，因為微笑對於他人來說往往意義非凡。人們在交談時，往往會自然
地（下意識地）去模仿對方的身體語言。當你沖對方微笑時，對方也會下意識的向你微笑
，這樣雙方都會感到輕松愉快。
Smile a lot.
Physically，it’s easier to frown than to smile—smiling involves 42 different
muscles; however, it pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect on
other people. People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of
the person they’re talking to. When you smile at people, they will unconsciously
return the favor and feel good as a result.

5、舉止禮貌
很多人開始認為，禮貌不僅不必要，而且也不可取，因為他們認為禮貌是出於虛偽。這些
人認為，講禮貌只不過是在掩蓋自己內心真實的想法，這其實是一種非常錯誤的想法。 “
舉止禮貌”關註的是對方的感受，而不是我們自身的感受。這是一種有意識的自覺行為，
其目的是讓對方感到放松和舒適。
Mind your manners.
A lot of people have come to believe that not only are manners unnecessary,
they’re undesirable because they’re fake. These people think that being polite
means you’re acting in a way that doesn’t reflect how you actually feel, but
they’ve got it backwards. “Minding your manners” is all about focusing on
how the other person feels, not on how you feel. It’s consciously acting in a way
that puts other people at ease and makes them feel comfortable.

6、情緒管理
在我們的文化中，感受和將感受表達出來通常被認為是一回事，這其實是一個非常大的謬
誤，因為它忽視了自制力的存在。體貼的人即使自己任務繁重，也願意抽出時間幫助同事
，即使沒有得到應有的回報，他們也會毫無怨言，不會將自己的感受表現出來。
Be emotionally intelligent.
One of the huge fallacies our culture has embraced is that feeling something is
the same as acting on that feeling, and that’s just wrong, because there’s this
little thing called self-control. Whether it’s helping out a co-worker when
you’re in a crunch to meet your own deadline or continuing to be pleasant with
someone who is failing to return the favor, being considerate often means not
acting on what you feel.

7、力求雙贏
在很多人看來，生活就是一場零和遊戲，有人贏就一定會有人輸。體貼的人，正好相反，
他們總是盡力去創造雙贏的局面。雖然並不是每次都能做到，但是這就是他們的目標。如
果你想變得更體貼，請珍視每一次的互動，而不要提前安排勝負的劇本。
Try to find a way for everybody to win.
Many people approach life as a zero-sum game. They think that somebody has to
win and somebody else has to lose. Considerate people, on the other hand, try to
find a way for everybody to win. That’s not always possible, but it’s their goal. If
you want to be more considerate, stop thinking of every interaction with others as
a win/lose scenario.

8、涉及他人需求的時候，跟著直覺走
當別人心情郁悶、運氣不好的時候，我們有時是可以覺察到的。在這種情況下，你應該主
動與當事人交流，以檢驗自己的直覺是否正確。如果直覺告訴你應該伸出援手，那麽就應
該付諸行動，他們將會從心底感激你的關心。
Act on your intuition when it comes to other people’s needs.
Sometimes you can just tell when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such
cases, being considerate means checking in with them to see if your intuition is
correct. If your intuition is telling you to reach out—do it; they’ll appreciate your
concern.

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7 Tips To Help You Make Key Decisions
七個小步驟幫你做最重要的決定

做決定有時候讓人頭疼。很多時候，當我們面對艱難的抉擇之時，我們都希望
能有一個對錯異常分明(clear right and wrong)的選擇。但現實中並沒有這樣分明的選擇，而且當事人總是讓事情進一
步復雜化。那麽在日常生活中我們應該如何正確應對這些情形呢？這裏有幾個
小步驟可以幫助我們輕松做出選擇。
Decisions suck sometimes. Many times when we’re in the midst of a
difficult decision, we expect there to be a clear right and wrong choice.
But there isn’t. People involved always complicate the matter further.
How in the world do we navigate these situations in our day-to-day
lives? Here are a few tips.

跳出舒適區
Do The Opposite Of What’s Comfortable

這樣做我們超過一半的決定中所面臨的不確定性就會消除。就我的經歷而言，
這一點尤其重要，因為如果我待在舒適區內，十有八九我不會踏上那條改變我
生命軌跡的跨國旅途。
This will knock out the uncertainty in more than fifty percent of your
decisions. It’s especially true for my life, because if I had done what
felt comfortable to me, I probably would’ve never went on a crosscountry road trip that changed my life.

我家鄉的很多人都選擇過安逸的生活。前幾天某個晚上，我看見中學相識的十

幾個老同學從酒吧走出來。我想他們是絕不會離開家鄉的。
Too many people in my hometown choose to stay comfortable. I was
out at the bar the other night and saw dozens of people that I used to
know from high school. They never left home I guess.

面對未知的事物，放棄（forsake）舒適感是很難的，但我敢打賭（wager），
十有八九（9 times out of 10）這是正確的選擇。
It’s hard to forsake comfort for the unknown, but I’d wager that 9
times out of 10, it’s the right way to go.

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Habits of Considerate People